Friday, February 10, 2012

SEX RUINS RELATIONSHIPS

The host of the TV show The Episode asked me the question, "how is it that so many dating  relationships go so wrong?" I responded with an answer that blew his mind; " People are having sex too soon."  The host was speechless and the audience roared!

I went on to explain that once you enter into a sexual relationship when you are dating, sex becomes the controlling factor in the relationship. Real conversation, about serious issues takes second place to sex, every time. Guys understand this. A guy is not going to risk telling a girl the truth about how he feels on the topic at hand if it may in any way compromise his ability to get a girl into bed. Women often tell me, after a break up, that they had such great conversation. No they didn't. The guys gave them what they wanted in conversation, avoiding serious confrontation, and skirting sensitive issues.

A healthy sustainable relationship has as its base an intense friendship. Friendships are forged by having common experiences, truthful dialogue, working through issues and finding common ground and spending time together doing stuff. It also includes, discovering how you process common experiences, interact with others and manage social situations.

The majority of dating couples I  know spend way too much alone time together and not enough time with other couples and in complex social environments. This 'couple alone time' leads to intense romantic type situations usually ending in a sexual encounter. They are, in a sense, 'playing house' with out any of the foundation work necessary to sustain that 'house'.

There is no substitute for the hard work of communication and building a friendship for life. Once you have done that sexual relations take on a deeper, more intimate, satisfying roll in the relationship.

After the taping of the show, I had a few very deep and meaningful conversations with the late 20-early 30 year old crowd at the bar ( the show is taped at SRO in downtown Sudbury On Canada).  These young professional adults desire healthy sustainable relationships and they were willing to engage in a dialogue about this issue of sex, and being too close too soon. While they all may not agree with my assessment, they are open to discussion.

What more can you ask than that...oh ya...and an invasion to return as a guest in the near future!

Check out my book, The Relationship Depot: building relationships that last a lifetime on line at Amazon.ca or Chapters.ca and in e -reader Kindel/ or Kobo

www.amazon.ca

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